When Christian Parenting Feels Heavy: Moving from Fear to Love

Have you ever felt like your child just doesn't want to be around you—no matter how hard you try?

You feed them. You clothe them. You give them everything they need. But instead of being a loving recipient, all you get is resistance. Silence. Distance.

What if the problem isn’t what you’re doing… but the energy behind it?

For many parents—especially Christian moms doing their absolute best—there’s a hidden force that shapes how we show up: duty.

We say things like, “We’re supposed to go to church,” or “You need to behave.” These sound like good values (and they are!), but when they’re delivered with the energy of pressure, fear, or guilt, they don’t land the way we hope.

Instead of feeling safe, our kids feel judged. Instead of feeling loved, they feel like a checklist item. And it chips away at connection.

What’s the Difference?

Fear-based parenting is fueled by fear or duty. It uses “have to” language. It feels tight, anxious, and disconnected.

Love-based parenting is fueled by peace. It uses “want to” language. It feels open, warm, and magnetic.

When we lead with love—like Christ did—the Spirit is present. Our kids feel safe. And over time, their choices begin to shift not because they have to, but because they want to.

Why This Matters

Parenting from fear can actually damage your child’s confidence and their understanding of God. It sends the message:
“Your value comes from how well you perform.”

But the gospel says the opposite:
“You are loved—fully and always—and your choices are an invitation into even more joy.”

This isn’t about being perfect. It’s about parenting from a place of love, not fear.

If This Hits Home…

If you’re realizing that you’ve been operating from duty (and honestly, most of us have), it’s okay. You’re not broken, and neither is your child. You just need a new path—and that’s the work I help parents walk.

Listen to this podcast to get a deeper description and understanding of what it looks like and what you can do to change.

If you’re ready to leave the Red Zone behind and step into joyful, spirit-filled parenting, I’d love to talk. Click here to book a free consult call. You don’t have to figure it out alone.